Tinder

Here is what I love about tinder, its totally for me. I can’t function in a normal situation anymore I love Tinder so much. I try to swipe people away in real life. “Like go left, go away from me. I don’t like you” I feel like I am swiping them from existence. Here is what I hate bout Tinder: the flakes. How can we textually harass each other for a week, exchange an alarming number of pics and discuss everything from diet plans to politics to dealing with flakes and then … make a plan for lunch and even confirm it the before and then… Nothing. No call, no text, no show. I am adorable. I deserve not to be ghosted. But then again, it is Tinder.

My Millennial Bucket List

I want to learn how to deal cards, because as I was arm candy to this old rich trash bag for a measly $200 last night; the girl dealing the cards at this private poker game was making easily $500. I am in the wrong business.

 

This is very important, I have so many things that I need to get done. And with my upcoming birthday (September 19th) I need to get this all down:

  1. I want to learn Spanish so that I can more accurately converse with people.
  2. I want to learn how to deal cards, because as I was arm candy to this old rich trash bag for a measly $200 last night; the girl dealing the cards at this private poker game was making easily $500. I am in the wrong business.
  3. ¬†Finish my Bachelor’s
  4. I want to buy a house
  5. I want to go to law school
  6. I will see my son graduate from college
  7. I want make out with a trans girl, preferably a cam girl like Katy Perry on top and a huge schlong on the bottom
  8. I want to graduate with a 4.0 in my undergrad.
  9. I want to make $100k from my investment in bitcoin.
  10. I want to learn how to code.
  11. I want to get a vampire facial
  12. I want a boyfriend but not a husband because I really would like someone to hold, and cuddle-fuck for the winter but summer is Tinder season sooo….
  13. I want to start a nonprofit for recovered drug addicts
  14. Ideally, I find some efficient way to help as many people as possible before I die.
  15. I want my son to be happy.
  16. I think that if there is reincarnation, I’d like to come back as a cat. I can really see myself just lounging around in inconvenient spaces and waiting to be fed and pet. Although, depending on how long I live, this may be an accurate description of my last few years.
  17. I still don’t know all of my times tables, I would like to learn that.
  18. I’d like to spend a year working for the ACLU
  19. I’d like to have an all female, mostly black law firm doing civil and personal injury law. I just love the vision of walking into negotiations and using all that propagated fear of black women for good.